New Year, New You -is this sentiment helpful or toxic?

Upon the eve of yet another year coming to a close, this is the the time that a lot of people start to reflect on the year that has been and make resolutions for the year to come. It's that time of year where you will hear "New Year, New Me!" A lot of people will be gathering with their friends and family in celebration, or going to parties with strangers. Some will have a quiet night in and some won't see midnight through, opting to go to bed as if this is just another day.

New Years has been a concept for a very long time: 4000 years old, in fact. New Years traditions originated with the ancient Babylonians and was celebrated in March when the crops were planted. The rituals revolved around making promises to the Gods, often wishing for financial freedom (well, no debt) and they believed achieving what they had promised to them would hold them favourably with the Gods.

The "New Years Resolution" wasn't coined until 1813, with the Boston Press. The Western cultures celebrate New Years in December, with the turning of a calendar year, yet other cultures today practice their New Years in line with their cultural beliefs, so it doesn't always fall on the turn of a calendar year.

On the last day of 2024, I'm sitting here pondering the obsession with a New Years resolution and whether or not it's actually designed to help you succeed, or if it's actually toxic.

In order to explore these thoughts, I need to contextualise how these thoughts came to be...

This year my husband introduced me to the wonderful world of YouTube (yes I know it existed and yes I had used it before, however my YouTube consumption was mostly for the occasional video clip and mostly for tutorials, whereas my hubby's consumption was watching it like TV.) As I started at the top of the rabbit hole, I found myself watching videos that didn't necessarily appeal to me but that offered an opinion I had never really considered; the more I consumed, the more the algorithm picked content I'd like. Listening to other people's perspectives and experiences has been quiet enlightening and expanded my mind in a way it hasn't really before.

What does my YouTube spiral have to do with New Years? I'm so glad you asked (even if you didn't!)

The past few weeks, the content I have been watching is mostly to do with societal trends that are changing, especially to do with the rebuttal of cosmetic procedures, getting over the "rich girl" era and the potential fall of the celebrity and the influencer. Interestingly none of these topics are things I've ever searched for and it was content I didn't know I needed; it has broadened my perspective on the way in which the current generations are perceiving things. There is clear distinction between Gen X, Gen Y, Millennials, Gen Z and the baby group of the bunch, Gen Alpha. Each generation has lived through some defining cultural events and despite all of these generations having lived through some of the same eras, each generation does have a different perspective because of their lived experiences. Some debates are worth having; some debates are just bizarre (like clothing trends and who lays claim to skinny jeans and whether or not flared pants are known as that or "yoga pants" --- you know, all of the hard hitting topics.)

You're probably thinking "Amanda, get to the point" and thanking your lucky stars I'm not a podcaster - you can at least speed read through, or skip through, my ramblings. I promise there's a point...

The above spiral led me to a video last night that resonated with me: the "That Girl" movement.

No, I didn't search for this in YouTube. This phrase comes up a lot in my searches or suggestions, but I've never bothered to look at it before because I'm not "that girl" but it auto-played after one of my other videos and I was sucked into this rabbit hole immediately because the "That Girl" movement encompasses the following:

• Representing your life being well put together

• Waking up early to exercise

• Waking up early to journal

• Promoting a feed with healthy food options

• Sharing self-love and self-care routines

• Depicting a clean house aesthetic

• Promoting a "hustle" and/or goal setting.

Oh my god, am I actually "that girl?"

I've been waking up at 4am to exercise and clean my house before work since at least 2017. I've shared so many photos of healthy cooking I've made. I've shared my clean house aesthetic. I've shared some of the self-love and self-care routines I have. I've promoted my goals and hustle. I've also been waking up early to journal for the past 3 years. I tend to represent my best life rather than my challenges because I'm not usually one to share my issues, and when I have shared my hell of a health journey on my socials, people have responded quite negatively to it; reading about other's health issues is apparently quite triggering for some, so I post mostly when something is going well in my life. Tick, tick, tick.

I don't feel like "that girl" and if I am, I was incredibly intrigued as to how my way of life was potentially "problematic" for society.

This video that I watched made some interesting parallels to the Victorian Era, as well as to the Suffragettes, as well as to the bucking of the "traditional housewife." Humans tend to rehash trends in cycles (like the "yoga pants!) This video focused on the plight of the woman breaking free from the harsh societal expectations of what a woman should be, highlighting when society has been at its peak in terms of high expectations, followed by the rebellious women who tear down this societal norm. On and on this cycle goes.

This video also mentioned very briefly these cycles being linked to a woman's 'purpose.' Now this really peaked my interest because worth, purpose and fulfilment have all been areas I have been exploring. Getting as sick as I did, the rug was pulled out from under me and everything that made me feel fulfilled was no longer achievable. This sent me into a spiral that made me look internally.

I got really sick in 2021, so keep in mind I had been doing the whole "That Girl" thing since 2017. "That Girl" trend started in 2020 with Covid and lockdowns, so this is what I'd like to explore briefly.

"That Girl" started at a time where most people were isolated, with their worlds turned upside down fairly instantly. All of a sudden we were alone, we were stuck at home, a lot of people couldn't work; it's easy to see how "That Girl" took off; it was a way for women to connect globally, with social feeds showing women just trying to remain grounded and to find purpose in the small things.

If you're stuck at home, of course you'll hyper-fixate on how it looks and functions. A lot of people did lean into home renovations and improvements, so much so that materials became scarce for these projects.

Getting up early to exercise was a way for women to feel better within their bodies, release endorphins, start their mundane day off with self-care and to move more, considering a lot of people went from an active life with work and social outings to all of a sudden being stuck in bed or on the lounge.

Getting up early to journal and/or meditate took off because it was a way to connect with your thoughts, find inner peace and give clarity.

Showing the healthy, homecooked meals became appealing because a lot of people will naturally gravitate towards junk foods to find comfort. We were also hyper aware that those who had comorbidities or poor health were far more at risk if they caught Covid, so health did become a central concern for many.

Promoting a "hustle" or any type of goal setting makes sense: when the noise of life is now deafeningly silent, many people started to re-evaluate their lives and a lot of people looked at alternative ways of finding purpose.

All of these things lead back to purpose; this is a topic that needs its own blog, so we'll leave that thought there for now.

The "That Girl" movement very much mirrors a more intense version of a New Years resolution: both trends focus on a better version of yourself.

So if one is toxic and one is not, why is that?

"That Girl" evolved from a movement to an aesthetic. The socials algorithms started to highlight content from people who created an aesthetic for this movement. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but where it has become toxic is that the world has moved on from Covid. Life is pretty much back to normal for most, so where there was 24 hours of nothing to fill, we're back to 24 hours of intense and busy lives. Striving for the "That Girl" life is making people depressed; it's an unachievable lifestyle for many.

Do I think I'm toxic for living this way? Not at all.

I don't think there is anything wrong with people promoting healthy habits. Everything listed in the "That Girl" movement promotes better health, better wellbeing and better mental health.

As with most movements, the pendulum has swung too far to the left and those who follow these trends take it incredibly literally and if they can't achieve 100% of what they see, they vilify it. The pendulum then swings back, too far to the right. The new trend is essentially the "not that girl" trend; it's promoting junk food and Netflix binges. Young generations are "bed rotting." None of these things are bad, in moderation. It's not a healthy lifestyle and it should not be coveted. Once again, most people will fall into this trend too.

Now that we understand that as a society we are obsessed with resolutions (I believe it is human instinct to strive for "better;" I don't think I've ever met a person who wanted their life to be worse.) and knowing that we've been making resolutions for at least 4000 years, it is easy to then see why people put so much pressure on New Years.

Do people really stick to their NY resolution? The short answer is, no.

Statistically speaking it is believed that only 8-9% of people actually achieve their resolution.

Why, though?

If we are so hell bent on self improvement, why can we not meet a goal that we have set for ourselves? It's one thing not to meet the goals of a trend like "That Girl" and entirely another to not meet a goal that you set for yourself.

It may surprise you that I haven't set a New Years resolution since before 2017. I may have a goal for the year, but I don't do resolutions anymore. Yet I have categorically achieved every goal I've set for myself since stopping resolutions.

I attribute this success to the same reasons I stopped making resolutions: I believe goal setting and resolutions should be something you do in the moment. I don't believe we should wait until the New Year to start working towards a goal, same as I don't believe in starting a new routine "on Monday." If we start a resolution or a goal by pushing it aside until a certain time then its bound to fail because how seriously committed are we to this goal?

I also think that people make far too many resolutions or too many goals, making it really hard to navigate forward when trying to start so many things. I also don't think people make goals specific enough or achievable enough.

To break this down, let's go with one of my all-time personal favourite resolutions (because since I was a little kid this was my resolution:) to lose weight.

I failed this resolution time and time again; each year I felt defeated before I even started because I was re-setting a resolution I'd failed so many times before. Believe it or not, if I had to give myself a resolution for 2025, to lose weight is on that list. My approach is very different, though. I'm already working towards this resolution; I have been hard at it since 2016 and I never stopped even when I was really sick. I'm not waiting til tomorrow to start this, I'm doing it right now. I have a few very easy goals to achieve this: now that my stomach is starting to heal from all of the surgeries, I want to put nutrient dense foods into my body and now that all of my surgeries are done, I want to find exercises that work for my current condition. Diet and exercise, who knew? I have not set an unrealistic goal: I would like to lose 10kgs. If I get to 2026 and I haven't lost 10kgs, the only thing I want to know is does my body feel better from the foods I'm consuming and does my body feel stronger from the exercise I've been doing? Perfect. Health and wellbeing is my goal, not a size, weight or shape.

Even though this is just one resolution and a lot of people make just one resolution to stick to, I think most people underestimate how many moving parts are involved in any goal. Want to travel as your resolution? That one thing requires quite a few moving parts; finances to do so, a job that will give you the time to do it, perhaps you have to organise your passport, you have to do research on when and where to go, you may need to purchase things for the trip, you may need to find pet sitters or house sitters - just one resolution, but so many moving parts.

If you do not break down a resolution into smaller, more achievable goals then of course you'll fail. You don't just end up in Paris without doing any of the steps listed above.

I became "That Girl" accidentally because as part of my healthy lifestyle, I implemented all of these elements. Not all at once, though! They came to me organically. I wasn't following a trend. I took the steps involved to have weightloss surgery, which was a lot of time, effort and research; preparing for the surgery itself was a lot of work. It was a lot of work post op to maximise this amazing tool I had given myself for success, which is where my interest in making healthy meals came from because I loved exploring new foods and sharing them with others (as I had come across these recipes from others and wanted to pay it forward.) My workout routine came next; I was limited to what I could do whilst recovering, hence my focus on food, so exercise came next. I hated yoga right up until about 2019/2020. I hated meditation, I never did it and I still don't (I only enjoy doing it now at the end of a BodyBalance session.) In place of meditation, I chose to journal; this started in 2021/2022 after spending every single day writing about how horrible my pain was and how my mystery illness was negatively impacting on my life: I needed to flip my mental switch and start focusing on the good. My clean house aesthetic came from renovating; most people who know me well will know I show the clean and the chaos of my home. I've had a side hustle since 2010. My "That Girl" era took an actual era to get to.

For this reason I don't believe the movement is actually toxic or unachievable, but I also know that I wouldn't be able to do every single thing on that list every single day. When I was working fulltime, getting up at 4am was for a workout, walking the dogs, cleaning the kitchen and putting the washing on the line before work. Some days I had takeaway or junk food and slothed on the lounge, but for the most part I was super motivated. I remain super motivated to this day because I now understand that living up to this lifestyle doesn't look the same every day and that having a bad "day, week, month or even year" shouldn't derail me. I give myself grace and kindness when I'm not achieving what I had hoped to and I cheer myself on when I'm hitting goals to maximise what I am achieving.

New Years resolutions only work if you understand how you function. When you haven't reached your own expectation, do you just give up? Most people do, or will do self-sabotaging things. I used to.

When I really started to understand that cliche quote "progress, not perfection" is when I finally understood I don't have to have it all now. I don't have to have it all, ever. As humans we are always striving for better, so it makes sense to always see room for improvement.

To make your New Years resolution work for you and become a toxic failure that consumes you, set smaller goals (look up SMART goals,) celebrate your wins often and when you fall below your expectations, move the goal posts or change the plan rather than just give up.

At the end of the day, or year, or cycle, everything has the potential to be toxic. It is up to you to determine what works for you. Remember that most social media accounts are curated into an image they want to show you; this doesn't mean it's the image you have to achieve.

You are wonderful as you are.

You are enough; perhaps the best resolution is no resolution, just live your life.

Your purpose is simply to live. If you want to set life goals to enhance your life, wonderful, but don't forget that we were given the gift of life and just breathing, existing and living is purpose enough.

Wishing each and every one of you a healthy, prosperous, fun, loved-filled, laughter-filled 2025.

Love & Light, always.

Amanda